


A matter of trust

by tryalittlejoytomorrow



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Light Angst, Post-Season/Series 03, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 15:22:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6860611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tryalittlejoytomorrow/pseuds/tryalittlejoytomorrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I trust you, she'd said, and it'd felt like coming home, back to these days when they'd stood side by side, ready to face anything as long as they were together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A matter of trust

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tacosandflowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tacosandflowers/gifts).



> This is a birthday gift for @tacosandflowers, after Clarke's I trust you that made me cry so hard. Happy birthday!!!

After everything that happened between them, Clarke's words lingered in his mind for a few days, such a stark contrast to those that had slipped from Raven's hijacked mouth not long ago, Bellamy didn't know what to believe in. Or _whom_.

 

 _I trust you_ , she'd said, and it'd felt like coming home, back to these days when they'd stood side by side, ready to face anything as long as they were together. _I trust you_ , and the shaky, fragile balance they'd tried to find again felt steady and strong. _I trust you_ , and the confusion and fear that had overwhelmed him when he'd _truly_ felt like the good little knight to his queen's side that she couldn't be bothered with confiding in or talking with had all but vanished, replaced by the sheer knowledge that they were still on the same page all along. That Clarke wasn't keeping him in the dark, but counting on him; that she was willing to risk it all, because she trusted him with her _life_. The realization had been just as powerful as it'd been humbling, after all the terrible things he'd done.

 

Her trust in him felt like forgiveness. And _hope_ , too, that things could be good again. Two weeks after they took ALIE down, Clarke's head on his lap as she slept somewhat peacefully, Bellamy couldn't help feeling like they were on their way _there_. The very fact that Clarke allowed herself to be this relaxed around him after they'd been at odds, wary of each other's motives, for so long, made him feel at peace in a way he hadn't in months - ever since they landed on Earth, if he was honest with himself.

 

He'd started trusting her even _before_ he realized he _did_ ; he'd accepted he needed to work with her to make things right so early on, Bellamy hardly remembered the days when he spoke her name with venom, or how it felt, _not_ liking her. Not worrying about her safety, not caring for Clarke. It felt so natural now, needing her safe and _here_ ; had for a long time. And that was why it'd hurt so much when she left; why it was so hard to see past it when she refused to come back; why one word, one look from her, could also make him come back from the darkest place he could go to in his head. Looking back now, Bellamy couldn't deny anything ALIE had thrown at him; he _would_ follow Clarke anywhere.

 

So it'd come as a shock when it'd been _Clarke_ seeking him after everything, Clarke pushing to talk, Clarke wanting to rebuild their relationship, when for months Bellamy had felt like she didn't care about leaving him behind - when it'd been much easier for him to believe that instead of dwelling on how they both felt and who they _were_ after Mount Weather. Bellamy had felt so alone for so long - after Clarke left, after she didn't come back, after Gina and Monroe and Lincoln and Octavia who _hated_ him - that when Clarke's head lolled and she fell asleep against his shoulder in the back of the jeep on their way home, he didn't even take a second to think about it and wrapped his arm around her, holding her close.

 

Clarke's brow furrowed in her sleep, and Bellamy twined his hand in her hair, gently massaging her scalp in a way he'd learned helped her relax and drift back to sleep. Clarke stirred this time, however, and Bellamy kept stroking her hair as she slowly blinked her eyes open. "Hey," she said, low, her voice still hoarse as she looked up at him, blue eyes so earnest and beautiful. "I keep doing _that_ , I'm sorry," she added as she sat up.

 

"Don't be," Bellamy said simply. It wasn't the first night Clarke had sought him out and fallen asleep after talking for hours; he really didn't mind. At least that way Bellamy was sure she was getting some rest, despite how elusive sleep could be for any of them. And the feel of her, pliant and warm and soft against him, soothed him in a way he didn't want to give too many thoughts to. "You can come anytime."

 

Clarke rubbed at her eyes, one hand lingering on his knee, and Bellamy wanted to pull her closer, make her stay this time; Clarke always ended up going back to her mother's or Raven's compartments. She smiled at him then, a little shy, and nodded her head. "My mom never sleeps anymore. She keeps checking on me, like she's afraid I'm going to disappear." She paused, and he didn't know if she expected him to say something, so Bellamy focused his gaze on her cheek, still pink from pressing into his thigh. Clarke sighed, heavy and trembling, and dipped her head to lay it on his shoulder. "I'm not leaving again, you know that, right?" she asked, so low Bellamy wondered if she really wanted him to hear it.

 

He hated the pain he could sense in her tone, though; the guilt that dripped from her words. He'd resented her so much for leaving, but it wasn't until after they sat down night after night, talking, that he truly understood just how much she'd needed it. It had hurt him, hurt them all - but it was Clarke's right to think of herself first, no matter how much he'd missed her. "She's just worried about you," Bellamy replied, choosing carefully to focus on Abby instead of his own feelings. "She's your mother, she just wants you to be safe and happy. She just hopes you'll be able to talk with each other if you need it this time."

 

He felt Clarke's frown against his shoulder even before she lifted her head up. " _Bellamy_ ," she spoke his name, soft but firm. "I _won't_ leave again. God, I'm tired of running, you know?" she said, and it burned the tip of his tongue, the urge to say _you say that now_.

 

It wouldn't help, and Bellamy didn't want to think like that, but she'd left once, hadn't she? What if everything got too heavy to bear once again? What if the past two weeks of feeling good were just this, a fleeting moment of peace before the storm? "I know that," he heard himself say anyway, for her benefit.

 

But Clarke could see right through him, she always did. Her fierce gaze could make him feel naked or empowered, depending on the circumstances. Right then, Bellamy felt like she could tell everything that was going on inside his head - his doubts, his fears, his desires. He didn't want her to make promises she might not keep, though; could any of them, really? He'd promised himself he'd be a better man for his people, and he only managed to disappoint them and lose their trust.

 

"I know this isn't easy, but I want us to be over _this_ ," she said, her voice wavering a little. "You not trusting me."

 

Bellamy's eyebrow rose in surprise. He didn't want this to _be_ about trust, but maybe it was, more than it was about heartbreak. He _had_ trusted her to come back to him someday; he had trusted her with his _heart_. He'd trust her with _anything_. "Of course I trust you," he said, very simple, very true, and it was upon hearing himself say it that Bellamy realized how important it was for him to speak the words to her, the same words that, from her, had given him absolution and deliverance. "God, I trust you, Clarke, I'm just - I don't trust _myself_ with how I would react if you left again. This is about me, okay?"

 

Clarke opened her mouth, to argue he was sure, but she closed it and bit on her bottom lip, before slowly nodding her head. "It's about _us_ ," she said softly. "We need to work on this. It's probably going to take some time," she added with a small smile.

 

Bellamy wasn't certain, but she almost sounded hopeful.

 

So did he.

 

* * *

 

 

_the end_

 

 


End file.
